Zen

As I mentioned in my last post, I am a stepmom. I entered the world of the "blended family" a couple of years ago when I moved in with my partner and SD6. I had to negotiate the minute, daily questions of someone who is both a new parent (to someone who doesn't need diaper changes or midnight feedings, but who can argue with you) and as someone who is parent to a child who already has two biological parents and a stepparent. I was filled with what I assume are the common doubts: should I be involved in discipline? What constitutes a time-out worthy offense? Do I respond if my stepdaughter inadvertently says something hurtful? Do I attend parent-teacher meetings? Will my family accept this adorable girly-o as their own granddaughter/niece/cousin?
[the short answers that worked for me: yes; whatever I think does; probably not; yes; absolutely yes]

I was / am lucky. I have what many stepparents only dream of: a respectful and supportive relationship with my SD's other household. All four parents like, care for, and support each other. I even would go so far as to consider my SD's mom, stepsister, and stepdad as my extended family. I interact with them on an ongoing, consistent basis, and care that they are healthy and happy.

That doesn't mean it was all rainbows and lollipops. My own sense of self-doubt about my abilities as a parent, as I found my footing within this family structure, led me to occasional crying or frustration stints, wondering if parenting gets easier--something I think every new parent experiences. My SD is remarkable. She has a wonderful sense of humour, is energetic, happy, and loving. But I still had to adjust to having a number of people around, to having an untidy house (moreso than my usual untidy ways, that is, simply because there's more stuff), to having to plan my days with these people who are a relatively new part of my life, to having a 50/50 schedule with this wonderful girl that meant a lot of driving around, packing and unpacking, etc. etc. The gig gets easier, though. Two years in, and I feel comfortable in our routine, and I feel like (and have always been, in reality) a heard and respected part of my stepdaughter's parental unit of four.

There are still busy, stressful days. What helps? Knitting, and the wonderful friends who knit with me, and remind me that communities matter: my family community that I have built in a non-traditional but increasingly common way, and my community of friends. It's all about balance, and I still lose my balance sometimes, but it's easily regained with my family, friends, and some pretty, pretty fiber: