Mother's Day and Stepmomming

Tomorrow's Mother's Day. For stepmoms, this day can be a hotbed of emotion;on the stepmom forums and blogs that I follow, stepmoms can feel disappointed and left out on this day, especially if their stepchild(ren) is either with their mom or does not acknowledge the stepmom's role. A lot of this goes back to the seemingly ageless debate of whether a stepmom is, in fact, a "mom," a "parent" or fills more of a close-but-undefined role in their stepchild's life. My take in my stepfamily world is that I am not my stepdaughter's mother, but I am a parent. I'm lucky in that we all have a supportive blended family, and I've never doubted that my opinions and involvement were welcomed. I am not my stepdaughter's mother, but I do "mother" her and fill many of the same roles. On this Mother's Day, I get to spend the day with my girl for the first time, because her mom is, sadly, unable to be with her tomorrow. I'm glad for the opportunity, but wish they could see each other too. Among the mothers that I'll be acknowledging tomorrow, I also want to honour my stepdaughter's mom, who is a good parent and a nice person. I'm so grateful that she and my partner brought my stepdaughter into this world.

I'm also grateful to have as a parent my own stepmother, who didn't come into my life until I was almost ready to leave for university. Through the years, our relationship has only gotten stronger, and in addition to welcoming her role as a parent, she has become one of my dearest friends and confidantes. Whenever I am faced with a stepmotherly decision, I will quickly consider how I believe she would handle it. I admire her strength, her intelligence, her humour, and her love and dedication for / to her family (especially my father; if ever there was a model of the relationship I want to build, theirs is it). She and my mom don't have to compete for a place in my heart. They are each there: strongly, clearly, and unwaveringly. As a stepdaughter who has the love and support of her two female parents (and let's not forget my dad and stepdad!), I see all too well how this can and does work. Thankfully, for me, this means that Mother's Day is not the challenge for me that it is for other wonderful women and stepmothers. Mutual love, respect, and acceptance works wonders, and when that happens naturally, so much the better.

Happy Mother's Day!